I’m sure many many people have been in this state or are currently in it as well. But man this is just ridiculous…I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. I see a bunch of my friends getting up to do something with their lives! Like Kelsea…she’s leaving soon and we’re super proud! Britt’s has all these aspirations to leave too, and I know the girl, she’s gonna be out of here soon. Tina’s got a plan and feels like she’s gotta go too! Seeing all my lady fellas getting stoked to go is just making me think…”What am I gonna do..” With my boys off at college and a lot of my girls (no homo) going soon too, it makes a guy think.
What have I done with my life anyways? Someone could walk up to me and call me “LAZY” and I would probably just give him a high five. Another person could tell me that i’ve gotten anything i’ve ever wanted handed to me on a silver platter. Again, this wouldn’t be such a stretch. If someone called me ungrateful however, now that’s the line. I appreciate all the blessings I have, but I know for a fact that I don’t work as hard as the amazing people in my life. I know for a fact that I take every easy way out and every shortcut that I can find. And I know that when the opportunity for an easy road opens up, I’m ALWAYS the first in line for that. Why am I complacent? Because I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know what to do. I want a million and one things but i’m just waiting for it to come to me…Just waiting for “IT” to appear out of thin air, because let’s face it, I’m lucky enough for that to happen quite often.
It’s time for a change. It’s time to be the person that I wanna be. I’m not gonna promise a huge change tomorrow or a big leap the day after, but I am gonna promise to better myself. Take a chance, do something different, try something new! I don’t know what it is yet, but i’m gonna look for it myself. I’m gonna have a chat with the big guy upstairs and see where he wants me to be, what he wants me to do. Believe it or not, I am a Christian! :P Just a very odd one. But I do live for God and he’s my rock. And today, Gods telling me “It’s time to get your ass in gear! Do something useful dammit!” I humbly respond with “SIR YES SIR! ASS IN GEAR SIR!”
So that’s what i’m gonna do! Watch out world! Angelo’s coming!
Well I have almost no followers, but i think the one’s that’ll read this are the one’s that matter most anyways ;). What inspired me to write this post (which I’m gonna assume is going to be very long)? Well lemme tell you Skippy! I got bored (Big surprise ay? :P) and started reading the old posts I have on this thang and woahhhhh, it’s a trip to say the least. I honestly started to get chicken skin when I read that…that could be because i’m not wearing a shirt and it’s cold as BALLS! But really, that’s beside the point. Anyways, a lot of those posts were from about 1 year ago, around this time. It’s funny to see how much can happen in one year. It’s funny how one moment you think you have the whole world and what you want completely figured out, but then you get nailed by a curveball and you’re back to not knowing ANYTHING. It’s amazing how much a person can go through and change in a span of one year, how many unexpected events can completely change your life, and how many blessings God can give to one person. The biggest blessings in my life, being humbled, my family, AND ALL THE AMAZING FRIENDS I’VE MET AND GOTTEN CLOSE TO THIS YEAR!! So gonna show some love right hurrr :).
First things first, since I started with mentioning the past, I’ll mention someone from my past:
Traci: One year ago we were really close. Hard to believe huh? And now we’re nothing. My fault though, i’m a very bitter person. But if it wasn’t for you then I wouldn’t have made the bajillion of realizations i’ve made today. Also, I wouldn’t have made the amazing friends I made today. Indirectly, it’s all because of you, so thank you. I’m also sorry. I was a selfish fella and completely killed our friendship. Word has it you’re doing pretty awesome too and that’s great news :). I hope one day we can start over and be friends again. But if not, it’s cool. Take care, God bless :).
Johnson: Okay, this fella here is my best friend! How the eff did that happen? Lol because he’s a fucking awesome dude! We became best friends so quick, like LIGHTNING! lol. Idk what I would do without this dude in my life now. He’s like the best friend i’ve always wanted too (no homo). We have the same sense of humor, we like the same kinds of movies, we have a BILLION things to argue about, we’re both always down to do stupid things and harass other people when we’re bored, we can both jam, and he’s an amazing ballah who’s helping me get back in the game. This dude is the epitome of best friend! Haven’t met anyone I can relate to and have as much fun doing nothing with than Captain Johnson! This is my go to brotha and the one I know I can count on above all else. This dude’s a keeper ;) (homo :P).
Tina: Tina Tina Tina…Oh B. Lol idk why I call you B, but it’s awesome :P. This girl is one of the people who i’ve been vulnerable to when I was at my worst. I trust this girl as much as I trust J for some reason :P. She really is an amazing person I must say. A small girl filled with so much love and talent. She’s the mommy in the group because she cares the way you’d think only a mother could. My favorite thing about her is that she’s always there for me when I need to be a crying girl and don’t wanna be called names by J :P. Luckily I haven’t needed to be vulnerable, but I know if I had to, she’d be the one I’d go to. She’s also an AMAZING musician. Her singing is straight up OMG. I could listen to this girl sing all day, and she’s my improv/jam/song writing partner! This girl is just amazing :D.
Kelsea “Moose Knuckle”: Mooooooooooooooooooooooooossssssssssssssssssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Okay so if you need a perfect example of a hardworking, take no shit from no one, patient as a monk, gonna flip my ass chick who’s NOT a lesbian moosie’s the one! This chick is the one that i’m always out gallivanting with on adventure’s which usually consist of food runs, going to the mall, or getting lost trying to get somewhere :P. This is the definition of a fun girl right here! But she’s so much more than that. SO MUCH MORE! She’s also hella observant and can easily identify when someone’s down or needs someone. She pounces on that shit like a cat! (She also meows like one…) She’s there for everyone. I guess you could label her as the psychiatrist of this group. She’s also the Switzerland (and i’m Finland). She tries to keep it fair with everyone. Straight up amazing right hurr! I’ve had the honor of spending so much time with her these past few months, and I know that it’s gonna be super hard when she leaves. It’s not gonna be the same without her. But I’m super proud of her, hell we all are! And as much as I want her to stay, I want her to go even more! She needs to leave this rock and go on her adventure :). Imma miss you a lot moosie, but you better kill it up there in Florida!
Wainani: Okay, seriously? Who the hell could have predicted how close me and Nani would get? I sure as hell wouldn’t have. If someone told me I’d be super close with Nani 6 months ago, I’d probably say something like “I like chicken fingers :D”. Lol but seriously, seriously. Nani was so guarded when I first entered this group. I didn’t think she’d be comfortable enough to confide in me or be vulnerable around me. But, I was wrong. Nani and I have become really good friends. She’s one of those people I gotta tell first when SHIT GOES DOWN! She’s super fucking cool I gotta say! She’s the one that I go to when I’m pissed off at some BITCH ASS HAMAJANG COCK SUCKING MOTHER FUCKER for having no manners! She’s the one I go to when I got something stupid to say, and she usually supports the stupid, which is something I really appreciate. She’s so strong and a really good person. She has good things coming her way :). Also, when she came on board and told me how she wants team angelo to be a success, it really meant a lot that she had faith in the plan and actually wanted to see it work out for me :D. She fucking rocks :).
Shannon: Sweet, innocent, kind, and genuinely a good person are just a few words that you could use to describe Shannon. But really she’s a lot more than that. She’s really funny, really smart, and really fun to be around. This is another girl that I didn’t think i’d be close with, but again, I was wrong. I’ve had the honor of getting to know the other side of Shannon and I gotta say it’s even awesomer than what I ever expected! Shan is one of those people who I can honestly say is one of those people that you want to keep in your life. It’s not easy to find people like Shan, but when you do, you know you’re life is that much better :). I could say more, but lets just say that everything I said at my house during the game is really how I feel and then some haha :).
Brittney: My first real taste of Pearl City. After meeting Britt all I wanted to do was meet a bunch of her pearl city friends. She’s so cool, funny, awkward, and such an amazing musician. When you hear this girl sing, you’ll know she’s destined for bigger horizons than youtube. She’s really ambitious and needs to get her ass off this rock to pursue her dreams :). I say that out of love of course :). Britt is an awesome girl who will surprise the hell outta you almost every time you hang out with her. She also has one of the best senses of music ever. She’s into everything! Everything? YES EVERYTHING! I’d be lying if I said I didn’t brag to my friends that I’m close with Brittney Mendoza :P. She’s a great girl who I’m expecting to go FAR! Rooting for you all the way girl :).
WELL THAT’S MY LIST! Sorry If I missed people. I’ll probably do this annually…Or just this once. I hope I don’t look at this one day and wonder what happened to all our friendships……I’m a bridge burner yes, but these are the one’s I wanna keep forever. I love you all so much :D!! Idk what i’d do without you now! You’re all the best things to happen to me :). And you’re all also flyer than a G6! Yup flyer! Idk what that would be, but you guys are that! Much love!
Wellllllllll I really don’t find much reason to post that much. But in this case, because you asked me to and because i’m afraid of you, I will :P (Just kidding about the fear :D). Well I can honestly say that i never thought that we were gonna be more than acquaintances, let alone close friends. When i first met you, i thought to myself “Why is this crispy 24 year old woman dating evan??!?!!? CREEPEEEERRRRRR!!!” But I later found out that you’re not 24, not a creeper, and crispy cuz you’re part filipino :P. I can honestly say that today, i’m glad I was wrong about us not being friends :).
When I think of the “Moose Knuckle” I immediately think of all the hilarious times we had together! The road trips, the getting lost going to places, the game nights, the thlap thlap thlaps, and all those other great times that i could continue listing, but this would be a super long post then. You amaze me with your constant patience, the strength that you have to face all your endeavors, and even more so, the strength you have to take the constant verbal abuse from *insert dramatic fireworks* “The ANGELO” *Sticks out chest* :P. You truly are an awesome person, and you deserve all the good things that are coming your way :D.
I’m very very proud to call you one of my close friends these days. You and all the bunch of people we’ve hung out with throughout this summer (Also Britt was totally right, our group needs a name :P). Gotta let you know now that we’re all super proud of you and we’re all ready to be their for you in a split second. I’m here rooting for the “Moose Knuckle” always. And I know that we’ll be friends for a long time!! Thank you for being close to me and always being there when i need you :D. Team Angelo wouldn’t be the same without you!!! Thanks for everything :). Life without you would definitely be dull and uneventful, so lets make the time till you leave awesome kay?!?!!
CURRENTS current mood – Gee gee gee gee baby baby baby :) I’m gee current hair style – Umm long and sexy :P current crush – Haha oh __________ (in a dreamy tone :P) current thing I ought to be doing – I wish I had something better to do lol current windows open – Just thiiis current desktop picture – Lol one of the deafults…it’s really trippy thats why :P current book – Lol any recommendations?
LOOK AT ME what color is your hair – black current piercings – prince albert…lawl have any tattoos – “No Entrance” lawl again straight hair or curly - Straight? how tall are you – 5’10
CURRENTLY WEARING top – topless :O pants – Basketball shorts shoes – “bear”foot necklaces – Wooden cross :) rings – Not ballin enough
THE LAST’S last person you hung out with – Umm Dusty and Britt last thing you said out loud – “It’s not” last thing someone said to you – “You’re playing your music like it’s not 1:30 in the morning!” last person you called –Umm idk? last person that rang you – Idk again? last time you cried – Not my thing dawg
THE DID’S did you ever get into a fist fight in school –Haha nope did you ever run away from home –Nope did you ever want to be a doctor – Umm psychologist? did you ever do something you regret – The actions i’ve performed in the past are what lead to the angelo I am today…so of course! jk lol nah
THE DO’S do you believe in god – AMEN! :) do you know how to swim - Yes, but i suck :( do you like roller coasters – NO! do you own a bike – Lol no? do you think you’d make a good dad - Haha not right now
THE HAVE’S have you ever been on a plane – yes and i’m going on another one on thursday..yippee.. have you ever asked someone out – Yeas have you ever been to the ocean – Lol duh have you ever gone fishing – yeas
THE WHAT’S what are you listening to – Nothing…mother made me turn off the music lol what is the temperature outside – Cold?? what was the last restaurant you ate at - Loco Moco! what was the last thing you bought – breaded veal :) mmmm what was the last thing you had to drink – sierra mist? what are you watching on tv – I was watching whose line :)
THE WHO’S who was the last person to be kind to you– Grandma? who talked to you on the phone – I swear this question was already asked who is your current celebrity crush – Kelly Hu mmmmmmm ;) who was the last person you said i love you to – Lol Aaron I think
CRYING SECTION ever really cried your heart out – Umm kinda? ever cried yourself to sleep – Lol unfortunately ever cried on your friend’s shoulder – No one will ever see me cry! lol ever cried over the opposite sex – Oh yeah do you cry when you get an injury – Nope MAAAAAAAAN UP! do certain songs make you cry – They make me sad, but not cry lol
HAPPY SECTION what can make you happy – Haha idk? do you wish you were happier – I’m just glad i’m done with the whole depression thing for the time being lol is being happy overrated – No ways man! can music make you happy - It can cheer me up planny :)
LOVE SECTION how many times have you had your heart broken - Like twice I think lol has anyone ever loved you so much that they’d die for you – No lol has anyone ever said ‘i love you’ to you – Yes
i don’t know why i looked at that. that was dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. funny how the things i say and predict come true. quite funny actually, cause i knew it all along and you had the nerve to lie to my face. funny, hilarious even. but that’s just being spiteful, but i think even that’s too much because i don’t really care anymore.
Anything to procrastinate sounds good right about now. So i’m heading into my last 2 days of school…TWO days man WOO!…but tomorrow is gonna kick my butt…I have to meet my filipino partner to record 40 lines of dialogue, then i gotta study for my FAMR mid-term two, then i gotta TAKE my FAMR mid-term, then i gotta search hamilton library for a dictionary so i can photocopy a page that i won’t even use, then i gotta attempt to write more on my lame paper, then i have a dramafest meeting, then the rest of the night is dedicated to my magnificent paper on the etymology of the “F” word. I’m probably gonna skip all my classes but FAMR because of these stupid tasks. But hey, at least it’s almost break!! yay :P
Idk what happened last night, but for some reason at about…12:36 i suddenly felt free. Like all the pain, the anxiety, the regretting just up and left! It’s crazy! I feel like the old me again! I’m hoping that this isn’t just one of those “good days” because i’m really liking this! Thank God :). I’m gonna take advantage of this, this time. I’m gonna try caring about myself for a change. I’m gonna stop looking for others to love me and try loving myself for a change. Time to begin a new chapter of my life :)
"You deserve to be happy too, start thinking about yourself for a change"
Just a few lines i’ve heard over the last few days. I seem to come across these lines quite often actually…And just like every other time before that, i refuse to believe it. I really do appreciate that you guys are trying to make me feel better, but seriously i’m never gonna buy this crap from anyone…If i deserve so much better then why does this keep happening? If it’s not worth it then why am i hurting so much? Start thinking about myself? That’s exactly why i’m in this mess, i’m too damn selfish for my own good. What i DESERVE is to feel like this…I got EXACLY what i deserve…again.
I can see that things are already looking up for you. I’m glad :). I’m sorry for what i did and how i am, but like i promised you’ll be so much better without me. If you hate my guts, that’s fine. If you think i’m the biggest asshole in the world, that’s fine too, i deserve that one as well. But seriously, be happy :) you deserve it, and it’s what i wanted from the beginning, but i’m sure i told you that before haha..
As for me…I have a knack for calling the outcomes of situations. Maybe because i unconciously push it that way? I kinda hope that’s not it. But hey, at least i’m always right, right? yay…But this time around i fricken quit man…I just straight up don’t feel like doing anything anymore…I wanna give up…So for once, i think i’m just gonna. I apologize to the people who are trying to help me…I think i’m just gonna isolate myself…just be alone you know? I don’t want to harass anyone with my problems anymore..I’m gonna look to God and pray that things get better…I haven’t lost sight of my faith..and i don’t plan on doing so either…But as of right now..I QUIT! sorry if i don’t get back to anyone btw, it’s not cuz i don’t like you, but it’s cuz my phones gonna be off (i wonder how long that will last -_-) but yeah..alone time… Oh well, bye bye :)
Venting…also if there’s any spelling errors sorry, my laptop is lagging like a mother and keeps not putting letters…either that or i just can’t spell…ANYWAYS, bye bye :P
that’s pretty much how i feel sometimes because we used to be super super super close - someone who i trusted and someone who inspired me and believed in me and supported me, and vice versa - and now i can’t help but think that you find me annoying. i know i’m not just imagining it either.
I know things for you are hard…i understand that, i promise i do. I know that you’ve been really stressed out lately too. I don’t want to be another reason for you to be stressed out..it feels like you’re forcing yourself to talk to me when you don’t really want too…like you’re forcing yourself to stay my friend…If all you gotta do is leave to relieve that stress…then go ahead…i would understand..I promise…I’m sorry i’ve been a really selfish friend…I just want you to be happy..If you all you gotta do is leave me to be happy, then please go ahead and do it…i’ll be fine…whatever happens, i’ll always love you..637
"End with hope. Hope guides me, it’s what gets me through the day and especially the night. The hope that once you’re gone from my sight, it will not be the last time i look upon you."
-Kate “A Knights Tale”
Am I a selfish person? Hell yes. I’ve been known to do whatever it takes to get what i want, by any means necessary. I’ve pushed people out of the way, stabbed people in the back, and lost many friends trying to get what i want. But i’ve been doing my best to change that. I’m sick of being the selfish douche that i see myself as today. The way i was in the past is the way i see myself in the present. It’s true that i haven’t done too much stabbing these days, but i’m still convinced im a selfish asshole. I think all the misfortune that comes my way is all deserved…
I try to be a nicer guy these days. I try my best not to make my selfish needs top priority. Unfortunately i’m not very good at that. I keep on pushing for what i want and i think one day it’s gonna push away the people i care about…the people i love. I’m sorry…I can already see that some people are distancing themselves from me..and again that’s my fault…But it’s fine…I’m sorry for how i am…I’m sorry for being so selfish…If you leave…please don’t worry about me…If you replace me…don’t worry about me…I mean it when i say i just want you to be happy…So please be happy :)…I’ll always be here if you need me and even if you don’t…
I’m sorry for bringing this up again btw idk felt like venting. Sorry
Well here I am back for another semester at lovely UH…At the end of the first semester, i recieved word from my roommate (taylor) that he won’t be back for the next semester. My first reaction after hearing this news was…HELL YEAH!!! Taylor was a very interesting, disgusting, weird, DISGUSTING guy. I saw him do things…things that id rather not mention…but if you ask ill tell you about it…:P. But now that i’m back at the dorms, i feel really lonely…First thing i did when i walked in was check taylors side of the room. Empty. It hit me at that moment that i’d never see him again…And that i never got to say goodbye…Despite his weirdness, Taylor was my friend and a really good guy. I’m gonna miss that weird bastard…ALSO IM ALL ALONE!! SOMEBODY GIVE ME COMPANY PLEASE :’(
Aside from this depressing lonely fact however, I had an awesome winter break :). I got to practice with the band, i saw friends that i haven’t seen in years, and i also got my new telecaster!!! It was pretty awesome!! But more importantly! I got to hang out with Traci :). Easily the biggest highlight of my break. Just being with her for the few days, for the few hours always makes me happy. Like you don’t even know. She’s amazing :). She always apologizes for things that i don’t think she needs to apologize for, and she’s also the most considerate, amazing, beautiful, wonderful, spectacular girl i know :). I totally and absolutely love her. Lamest thing about being back in school, i get to see her less…But i still get to talk to her on the phone every night so that’s good enough :)…until i can see her in person again.
Taylor being gone= Sad
Being all alone= DEPRESSING (Till i get used to it)
When life gives you lemons make lemonade right? But sometimes it’s not the time or season to make lemonade…But thats life right? Things aren’t always gonna work out the way you want or the way you hope, but hey, just cuz that happens doesn’t mean things aren’t gonna be good. I’m glad things are the way they are, things are great. Who knows what the future will hold? Who knows what to expect next? But whatever happens I’m glad i got the best people in the world to support me :). Especially my BFFF :) you’re the best!